“I planned out our whole day. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle.”
Guys, I’m feeling the holiday spirit…. ✨🎄✨
We got the joy. The cheer. The wonder. We’re making family memories. Watching movies. Playing music. Singing. Dancing. Snuggling.
I’m really happy. But these photos, for our @senorlechugahotsauce holiday card, were taken on Thanksgiving. And to be honest, it was a tough day for me.
We had planned to announce our pregnancy to our extended families and friends.
I didn’t experience the shock of unexpected sadness, like I had before. I just felt cloaked in a hazy cloud of Guilt for not being super happy when I do feel so thankful for all I have. When I already have a child that lights up my life. Electrifies my heart. Who makes me smile and laugh. Who reminds me to be playful and present.
Through this unique experience of loss, I’ve found that juxtaposed emotions are a mindfuck. Life is messy. And holidays can be hard.
I’m relieved to no longer be in a raw place. To no longer feel conflicted by a sadness clouding my happiness. To exist as I am now, lighter and lifted.
I know not everyone is in this place. For all different reasons.
And I know in my own life there will be emotional highs and lows to come.
So I wish you all the happiest of holidays. But if they are not, I wish you peace and comfort and love.
“Grief I’ve learned is just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Originally posted on Instagram December 19, 2019
NOTE: This post is not sponsored. All thoughts are unbiased and my own. All photos and content are property of Lauren Cosenza Beauty LLC.
Lauren Cosenza consults for top brands, websites, and magazines and serves as a trusted beauty/fashion/mom expert, a brand ambassador, an on-camera personality and spokesperson, a creative director, a published editorial contributor and writer, the creator and owner of DIVAlicious®, the creator and owner of BEAUTYfull®, a product junkie and an insatiable beauty and style seeker — with a former life at Cosmopolitan, Shape and Bustle/BDG brands. She currently runs Señor Lechuga Hot Sauce with her husband and baby boy as the Co-Founder + Head of Brand.