I was going to write a self-depricating comment about my quarantine “diet” and accompanying lack of exercise — but I changed my mind.
Even in jest, even through humor, the last person to lay on the guilt or shame should be myself.
My first pregnancy was a very active one. I took spin class 3-4 times a week, up to 9 months. I walked everywhere. Hauled ass (and growing belly) up and down NYC subway steps. I definitely indulged here and there but overall, I was pretty healthy. And strong. And confident.
I remember feeling that pregnancy was magical and that a woman’s changing body was powerful.
And now, this time, without access to the gym or spin classes, and with trying to limit my time outside and exposure to any people or germs, I’m not moving my body enough throughout the day (let alone breaking a serious sweat) to feel really good. And I can’t say it doesn’t really bother me.
At the same time, my husband has taken to becoming a Master Chef during our shelter at home. So mealtime has become the highlight of our days. While I can’t complain, the (obscenely delicious) homemade breads and pasta and pizzas and strombolis and tamales and tacos and quesadillas and everything else add up. Not to mention the Easter candy. A scoop of cream. Leftover banana peanut butter pancakes my son didn’t finish at breakfast…
I’m very aware that feeling bad is ridiculous because we are so so fortunate. We are not deeply suffering. We are healthy. We have access to fresh food. We have a roof over our heads. We do not have to leave the home for work. We have a viable pregnancy and a baby who seems to be doing great after two back-to-back losses. But for some reason, it’s been getting to me.
Is it partially being pregnant at a time filled with uncertainty and risk and sadness? Or somehow connected to pregnancy after loss? I’m not sure.
But as I grow (and not solely due to the baby on board), I’ve been more mindful of my own thoughts. I’m trying to shift them from critical self-judgment into positive action.
I’ve been bouncing on my toddler’s mini trampoline (with my doctor’s approval for now) to sneak in 30 minutes of cardio on days that allow. We only get a grocery delivery every two weeks or so (also to limit exposure to germs) and I try to load up on healthy fruits and vegetables with a longer shelf-life. And I’ve been continuing with the headspace pregnancy meditation series.
Like everyone else, I guess, just doing my best.
XOLC
NOTE: This post is not sponsored. All thoughts are unbiased and my own. All photos and content are property of Lauren Cosenza Beauty LLC.
Lauren Cosenza consults for top brands, websites, and magazines and serves as a trusted beauty/fashion/mom expert, a brand ambassador, an on-camera personality and spokesperson, a creative director, a published editorial contributor and writer, the creator and owner of DIVAlicious®, the creator and owner of BEAUTYfull®, a product junkie and an insatiable style seeker — with a former life at Cosmopolitan, Shape and Bustle/BDG brands. She currently runs Señor Lechuga Hot Sauce with her husband (and baby boy) as the Co-Founder + Head of Brand.
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